I Am Terrible, and That Is Wonderful

The double face of "fearfully"

"I was fearfully and wonderfully made," says the psalmist. But what few people notice is that "fearful" means "terrible and wonderful." And the terrible always comes first. That is why repentance is essential. Not as a religious demand, but as a door to the encounter with the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Prince of Peace.

The terrible comes first

We were taught since childhood that we must be good, seek to be good, try to be good. But the truth is that this is impossible. Tradition shaped us to hide who we are, and to pretend to be good. When, in fact, the Gospel begins with the truth: "I am bad. I am terrible." And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.

The Wonderful that comes after

Isaiah saw the Lord and exclaimed: "Woe is me!" Peter fell at Jesus' feet saying: "Depart from me, for I am a sinner." Paul declared: "Wretched man that I am!" And all of them, after that, were touched by the Wonderful Counselor. There is no encounter with the Wonderful without first coming face to face with the terrible that we are.

The peace that blows the whistle

Jesus said: "My peace I give to you." But this peace does not come before the confrontation, it is the fruit of surrender. Christ does not give us an anesthetic peace. He is the referee. And like every good referee, He blows the whistle when there is a foul. Not to condemn us, but to affirm and correct us, so that the game goes on, in peace. He points us to the truth, so that we can move forward in freedom.

Let Christ be the referee of peace

"Let the peace of Christ be the referee in your hearts." He is the one who decides what stays, what goes, what has eternal value. We no longer live according to the illusion that we are good, but according to the truth that He is good, and lives in us.

Personal testimony

It was extremely freeing for me to recognize that I am bad and that I am terrible. However, when I share this with friends and acquaintances, they react by saying: "You are not like that, Airton." This seems not to fit their understanding. But it was precisely in recognizing this truth that I found rest. I stopped trying to be good, and Christ was able to live in me.

"The referee blows the whistle, not to punish us, but to remind us that the game only goes on in peace when Christ is on the field."